I have found that by age 50, 60 and up, we have gone through so many life phases. We can’t possibly be the same woman we were when dating our spouse, when mothering a newborn, or when seeing children off to high school or college.
Aging sucks, so some of us try to stay the same. Yet, we are not the same.
I read an article recently of a woman who looked back through her old journals and saw a different self. Of course, journals are often used to purge our darker self—the depressed self, the angry self, the self-pity self, the needy self, the frustrated with God self, and so on. So our writings often reveal ugliness. They reveal trials we faced and worked through. Hopefully, we came out a stronger woman, not a deflated one.
In life’s ugliness, we have awakenings—ah-ha moments, revelations. If we’re fortunate enough to hear God speak, He reveals to us another perspective. He sets us on a new course. He makes His plans succeed. We grow up. We may or may not record those rebirths. We may not record how God ministered to us and solved our dilemma.
The point is, real-life transitions are not like those in romantic Hallmark movies where the crisis is turned around after the commercial break. Real epiphanies often start with sad, depressed, unhappy feelings. There may be venting.
There may be crying. There may be reaching out for a hug from our spouse.
Real-life hurdles often start with feelings of self-doubt, confusion, and questioning where we stand in life. This type of phase often contains self-assessment. These moments may have triggers. They may hit us as we compare ourselves to someone else. They may hit us at night when we’re tired. They may be connected to health challenges. They may hit us during the letdown phase after a trip or achieving a goal.
Evaluation Will Get Us
Sometimes they begin when we evaluate our accomplishments and, if we haven’t had signs of success lately, we are prone to feel beaten down.
Let me give you a few examples: I was in a diet group. We had to weigh in weekly. I started losing weight. We got to ring a bell when that occurred. When we did, we got a momentary jolt of pleasure endorphins. But two weeks later, I went on a medication and started gaining weight. I had to pay a $0.25 cent penalty for every pound I gained! The happiness was gone. I felt beaten down.
Another example, I write articles, kindle books, and several blogs. When I have weeks where sales are non-existent, I question my calling to write. If I weren’t able to see statistics on this blog to know someone has clicked in, I probably would have ceased writing it by now. I do rely on stats, likes, and seeing fruit.
Life is Imperfect
But there are bigger life challenges—a Christian child marries an unbeliever. A parent is left out of wedding planning. A grandchild is kept from his grandparents. A neighbor starts an argument. A husband becomes seriously ill. A woman hits her head which starts a cycle of headaches, tinnitus, and anxiety attacks.
When we meet with real-life trials, we might be tempted to question God about His plan. We demand answers.
Real-life pre-epiphanies are messy. They may last a night or weeks. They may go away and rear their head again next month.
It’s easy to feel we will never arrive. We can become caught between who we feel we are one day and what the evidence shows the next.
But, with the right approach—hanging onto HOPE, expecting God will speak, anticipating something fun is around the corner, enjoying small life moments, accepting it’s all part of life—we gain a new perspective.
The awakening is great, but it began with yuck. Not many will express their yucky side, but it happens to many of us women.
Who you are is not defined by how perfect your life is or by how you measure up against another woman. It is not defined by someone else’s rules. It’s defined by who you’ve allowed your yuck to mold you into being.
Quit rejecting how God made you. Embrace yourself. Get off that diet and simply eat responsibly. Get exercise because it’s good for you not because you need to see the scale go down. Enjoy your introverted self that doesn’t travel or go to outings as much as JANE or SALLY does. Question your self-limits. Try something different now and then. Embrace your personal values and Biblical teachings. Grow in the areas God leads you to grow.
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